There is an unspoken expectation in maternity care that women will comply. That they will nod in agreement, follow instructions, and place their trust entirely in the hands of those deemed more knowledgeable. But what happens when a woman dares to challenge this expectation? When she stands firm in her choices, questions the recommendations given to her, or even – shockingly – says no?
For many, this is seen as audacity.
The audacity to question. The audacity to decline. The audacity to trust herself more than the professionals in the room.
For many women, labour is not just about bringing a baby into the world – it is the start of their motherhood journey, the moment they begin to step into this new role and discover their power. Birth is an essential transition, a time to begin to find their voice and build the confidence to not only take care of themselves, but to raise tiny humans. Yet, too often, the maternity system expects compliance rather than confidence. Women who stand up for themselves, who ask for more time, who refuse unnecessary interventions, are not seen as strong or self-assured. They are seen as difficult. Non-compliant. Risky.
The Price of Speaking Up
What does it say about maternity care when informed decision-making is treated as rebellion?
A woman who refuses induction when there is no true medical need is seen as reckless. A woman who chooses to labour at home longer than advised is considered irresponsible. A woman who asks for a different care provider because she doesn’t feel safe with her current one is labelled as problematic. The system is designed to make her feel that she is unreasonable for wanting to exercise autonomy over her own body.
But here’s the truth: there is nothing audacious about making your own choices. There is nothing radical about saying, ‘I need more information before I decide’. There is nothing outrageous about prioritising what feels right for you and your baby.
The only reason it is perceived this way is because, for too long, women have been expected to be passive in birth. To accept what they are told without question. To believe that their instincts, their knowledge, and their preferences matter less than the policies and protocols designed for efficiency, not individuality.
The Gaslighting of Birthing Women
Many women who make their own choices in birth find themselves subtly or overtly gaslighted by the very people meant to support them. They are told they are being difficult, that they don’t understand the risks, that they are letting their emotions cloud their judgment.
The reality? Their instincts are sharp. Their knowledge is valid. Their bodies and their babies belong to them, not to the system.
Maternity care should not be about coaxing women into compliance through fear-based rhetoric. It should be about providing full, unbiased information and supporting each individual in making the choices that feel right for her. Yet, this is rarely the case. Instead, the maternity system is built on the premise that women must be managed, their births controlled, their instincts overridden. And when a woman dares to reject this? She is the problem, not the system.
Blaming the Doula Instead of Listening to the Woman
A striking example of this infantilisation of women in labour is the way many care providers react to the presence of a doula. Throughout pregnancy, a woman may attend multiple appointments alone, articulating her preferences clearly and competently. She may have documented her wishes in a birth plan, demonstrating forethought and informed decision-making.
Yet, on the day of the birth, if she has a doula by her side, suddenly her autonomy is questioned. Rather than assuming she is still the same informed, capable person she has been throughout her pregnancy, care providers often shift their focus to the doula – treating them as the instigator, the troublemaker, the reason this woman is making choices outside of protocol.
This is not only insulting but deeply harmful. It disregards the woman’s ability to make her own decisions and dismisses the extensive preparation she has undertaken. A doula does not make decisions for a woman – she simply provides support and reminds her of the choices she has already made. The assumption that a woman must be influenced rather than empowered is yet another way the system undermines female autonomy.
Reclaiming Birth, Reclaiming Power
And yet, some women dare to resist. They push back. They ask why. They demand alternatives. They insist that their voices be heard. They embrace the so-called audacity to birth on their own terms – and in doing so, they reclaim what should never have been taken away in the first place: their right to choose.
This is not about being reckless. It is about being responsible for your own body and your own baby. It is about taking ownership of your birth, knowing your options, and making informed decisions that align with your values and instincts.
So, if you find yourself in a room where your decisions are met with raised eyebrows, sighs, or condescension, remember this: you are not difficult. You are not reckless. You are not audacious.
You are simply a woman who refuses to be silenced. And that is exactly how it should be.
Preparing for an Empowered Birth Experience
Standing firm in your decisions during labour doesn’t happen by accident. It takes preparation, knowledge, and confidence. That’s why I created Discover Your North Star, a course designed to help you step into your power before birth even begins.
This course goes beyond standard birth education – it focuses on mindset, emotional preparation, and advocacy, so you can navigate your maternity care with confidence.
You’ll learn how to:
- Clarify what truly matters to you in birth.
- Develop the tools to communicate your choices effectively.
- Prepare emotionally and mentally for the challenges of the system.
- Create your Birth Manifesto® – a statement of your values and intentions that will guide you through labour and beyond.
Your birth is yours. Your choices are yours. And with the right preparation, you won’t just feel ready – you’ll feel empowered.
Learn more about Discover Your North Star and start preparing for the birth that aligns with your vision. Because the audacity to birth on your own terms is exactly what every woman deserves.
Your birth. Your body. Your choice.
Supporting Clients to Stand in Their Power
Are you a doula looking for ways to support your clients in doing the inner work required to stand in their power?
There is simply not enough time within antenatal sessions to fully explore the mindset shifts and emotional preparation needed for birth. That’s why Discover Your North Star was created – to help women step into birth with clarity, confidence, and unwavering self-trust.
You can offer this course as part of your birth package, or invite your clients to purchase it themselves using an exclusive 20% discount.
To receive the discount code, contact me at hello@sallyannberesford.co.uk or send me a DM.